I saw his package. It spoke to me.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
