And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
