it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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