He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
