fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
