I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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