It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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