I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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