There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
