just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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