true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
