I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
