he thought i was a dude.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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