i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
