my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
