Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
