Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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