In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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