Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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