Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
