Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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