I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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