The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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