can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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