I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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