Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
bring money and cleavage
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
