Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
