I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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