From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
