the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
