im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
