just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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