Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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