Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
