Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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