What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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