Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
