buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
