I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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