If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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