Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
