you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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