Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
