I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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