i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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