i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize