i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
