I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
