I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
