At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
