i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
