Welp...herpes.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
