my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
