its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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