I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
