Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
