sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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