so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
