I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
