the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
