my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
