I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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