we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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