Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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