lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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