is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
