Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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