Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
