You really coming over, don't trick.
Im at strip club and am horny
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
