Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
