That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
