I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
